shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
