I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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