You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
