The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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