it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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