So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
