i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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