I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your penis caused this!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
