Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
