Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
