Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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