He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
