maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
