So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
