I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
