I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
