jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
