he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
