i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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