Betty ford says i'm here all night
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
