On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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