Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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