So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
