my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize