I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
