you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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