everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
