I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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