4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
