my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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