I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
