Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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