you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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