Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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