White coat. Heels.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize