the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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