wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize