Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
