Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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