It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
