can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
