drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
