Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize