Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
