Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
