her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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