my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
