The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
