i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He shit in the fireplace
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
