I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
