Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
