Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
