I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my poor anus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
