you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
