1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she woke up with a sticky ear
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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