He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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