i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
