meet me or not, i'm out of control
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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