Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
