If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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