After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
