wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
