I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
