Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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