I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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