he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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