he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
