We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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