Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
