i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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