i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
