and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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