Duck Duck Cougar?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
