tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
