I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
