STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
